I dream of having a formal birthday party, but I never have.

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Sometimes, I watch a girl having a formal birthday party on YouTube. I have been living for 36 years, and I never have one myself. I envy them, sometimes. My family isn't rich at all. I guess we are below middle class. My family never gives me a surprise birthday party before. I wanted to have a sweet 16 or a sweet 18 birthday party, so I could dress up very pretty. I wanted to create many happy memories during that event. All I have is a causal birthday with family and it is really a boring event. I don't usually have a happy memory from that. That's why.... My life is not great.

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