My life suffocates me.

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I have been living for a little over 30 years. I am unable to find happiness or joy because I am single for a long time. I feel that my existence is meaningless. I feel like I want to be dead, sometimes. I often dream of what I want my life would look like. While I am alive, I feel like I have a pointless life, which suffocates me, sometimes. I have had some good and bad experiences in encountering. I am lonely at most for many years. I try to find a happiness for myself. 

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