Nap and Dream

When I was a high school student, I had another girl on my school bus who was my friend for a brief time. I remember a boy who I know since elementary school dared me to kiss that girl. As I kissed her, I didn't feel gross or anything bad. I only did this once. I never have been interested in another girl because I am considered myself a straight woman. It has been a long time since the time I had kissed her. There were not many gay or lesbian students in my schools. Or... Nope of them had revealed themselves to me. I always respect the gay community due to the fact that I have a gay cousin.

I used to have many friends in my school. Maybe I picked the wrong people to be my friends. I never learned to choose a true friend. I used to think I have a best friend, but she didn't really consider me as her best friend. I don't have had a new best friend for a long time. I thought my friendship with them would be good long-term, yet it truly didn't. That's why I stay a loner for many years. I simply don't know which person is willing to be there for me as a good friend. I will never ask for her loyalty. I guess I have a little trust issue. I even don't need a backstabber at all. I know that I really don't want a toxic friend. Right now, nope of any friend has been contacting me for chatting or asking me to hang out. I'm aware that the loneliness hurts me a little from time to time. Looks like I don't have a good judgment on people. I learn a lot from this mistake.

Why would a woman think having a baby could ruin her body? Oh, please! That's so ridiculous! It is really greedy of her! She could have exercised after 6 months of a baby's birth. It is true that the baby fat will stay in her body until she works out. If the woman is truly selfish, then she is not worth to be a mother. It's fine if she wants to stay loner or be a childless married couple. I don't care about her greediness. I even wonder if that woman is narcissism. Let her be what she wants.

I would love to be a mother one day, but do I deserve to get that role? I am afraid to raise a child in the wrong way. I don't want to spoil a kid too much. I even wonder if my child would love me back that much. I really want to raise it into a fine young adult who can use common sense in the real world. I'm very aware that raising children is hard work. I still don't know if I can handle the stress the kids would give me. Even though I have many nieces and nephews, am I really prepared for the role of a mother? I will have to see what happens. I'm nervous, although.

I love to shop almost all the time! I like to buy whatever I want or need. Shopping gives me a calm of mind when I have time. However, I work for a retail store, I literally hate it! I have always worked on the same task for six years! Nothing can give me joy at a job. I have no plan to find a real professional job in the future. I'm not sure if a professional job can give me happiness. I think I would love to work with a pet because I like any animal as long as they look so cute and friendly!

I understand that some people want to feel beautiful with a perfect appearance. I don't believe in standard beauty because it is stupid and dangerous. I admit that I feel insecure about myself a little, but I have to embrace my natural beauty, which I literally have no choice. The DNA is something the parents give to a child that can't be edited. If you plan to have cosmetic surgery in a foreign country for a cheap price, you might will not able to re-enter when you return to your home with your new face because you don't update your passport picture! That's why an immigration officer cannot trust you when you try to tell a truth. You just don't need to listen to those who criticize your look. You should be proud of what your parents give their face features to you. Your lucky person will find something special about you, not your beauty. You need to love yourself for who you are!

I love to watch TV shows at prime time! I always hate when my favorite TV show drops out after only one season! I don't care if it gets low view counts, but I want that to keep going for at least four seasons. I recently wonder if the TV writers are mad when a TV network told them that TV shows have to be canceled. I'm sure that the writers work hard for these shows! If the TV show doesn't finish with its storyline, I think it should turn into a comic or a novel to complete the story. Well, it really sucks when our favorite TV shows are no longer to air.

I always am in my loneliness. I don't have many friends now. Also, I'm not good at making new friends. I already have been used to loneliness since I was a little girl. I didn't play with my siblings often. They were always busy with homework, and they didn't have time for me. I often played with the Barbie doll by myself or talked to my imaginary stuff. When I am alone, I usually read manga online or watch a TV show or a movie on Netflix. I'm curious about what you are doing with your loneliness. I know the loneliness is somewhat hurt. Do you talk to an invisible friend or celebrate something with a YouTube video by yourself? I may continue to be alone in the future. I don't have a best friend or a closer friend. I don't know how to pick a true friend. My parents never tell me how to pick a good friend. Sometimes, I feel desperate at home because I am lonely too much.

I am not very good at cooking. I will have to rely on a cookbook... However, I am a very picky eater since I was a little kid. I don't like any vegetables or fruit a lot. Every time, I go to a supermarket, I always feel struggling to pick which food I want to buy. I eat the same meals almost too often. My family hardly teaches me to cook. I usually have to do a self-teach, my cook, through a recipe. I know my cooking skill isn't really good. That's why nobody in my family likes mine. I kind of worry about my future because I might need to cook a meal for my future husband. I don't know if he would like my cooking. I just want to improve my skill in cooking.

I went to my siblings' weddings before, but I never go to a friend's wedding. Nope of my friends has ever been invited to a wedding. I want to be happy for her and her husband and also to congratulate them. One of my friends is married and she never invited me to hers. I was a little sad when I heard she was already newly married. Now, I have an only friend... I hope she will invite to her wedding one day.