Nap and Dream

Maybe I can be a mother one day. If I truly had them, I would have a simple plan for the children. Kids are absolutely banned from dating until they finish high school. I want them to focus on school first. I know teenagers are often indecisive about something. Some people from my school I know were pregnant. When I saw them, I knew they were so screw up on themselves. I used to want to have a boyfriend, but I never got one. I really want my children to do well in school as long as no drama is involved. I would be nervous for them when it came to dating.

Ever since I graduated from community college, none of my friends have invited me to hang out with them. I was unable to see them when the Covid-19 pandemic was present. I know they are busy with life at their jobs and with their family. I have been lonely a lot. All I do with my daily is work and home besides going shopping. I don't even have a best friend. I have not made one for a long time. No one has invited me to a chatroom online, either. That's when I wonder who is my real friend. I don't have a friend who is the same age as me. I still miss a friend who passed away. From the time I have figured out that I am really an introvert, I always know I am not good at making friends. I usually make a warm up on a new person first before I decide to befriend her. I think I know who made me an introvert.

I often wonder if a soulmate really existed. I am still struggling to find a boyfriend since I am already in my 30s. I go out for shopping many times, yet I never encounter a man in a sight. Do I go to the wrong place at the wrong time? I don't know! I don't want to become a "nun" for the rest of my life! I struggle to get happiness for myself! The only person who knows my destiny is God. I used to dream of getting married in my late 20s and then starting a family in my early 30s. I haven't started anything yet in my life. My loneliness has still been going on for a long time. I am kind of worrying about my body that it would not convince. I might give up on a child if I am unable to get pregnant. IVF is very expensive I have heard. I am still unknow about my future. Will I ever get happiness and a lifetime partner? I was hoping to bump onto him on a street, in a restaurant, a market, or a store. Since I have few friends, I don't ever think one of them would i...